Cruise Ramblings (in three parts)

This is a collection of writings that just "came to me" while cruising the Caribbean. Now, just as a disclaimer, I was having fun writing this and don't think that I am completely bashing the going of cruises. I, myself, was a cruiser and had QUITE enjoyed myself at that. However, there are just some things I found rather amusing and thought you might appreciate my thoughts. Enjoy.

Dec. 26, 2008

ON PEOPLE:

So here I am on the deck amidst thousands of other Northern travelers. I'm guessing they're mostly from the north due to the fact that I am completely surrounded by a sea of both pasty, fair-skinned fellow friends, as well as those sporting the shiny red tomato look. I think, for some, and myself included, this is the only time we Midwest folk will feel the warm sun until the beginning of July. So as some (these said pasties) are more cautious with their approach to sunbathing by lathering on that 75+ SPF, wearing their clothes in layers, and dodging from umbrella to umbrella, there are those careless few, who believe baking themselves until their skin begins to constantly sizzle is the correct and "cruise-like" thing to do. Myself? I like to be slowly goldened, like a perfect s'more. You know the type, nice and toasted on the outside and warm on the inside, the kind of s'more that you pull off the poker and the entire outside just slips off the melted gooey innards. yeah.. those are great.

Oh, and I guess I've forgotten another cruiser, those few who's color seems to resemble both a lobster and burnt cookie. Ha. They think that because they've "fake baked" themselves all of fall and beginning of winter, that the sun will have no effect on them. Apparently the woman next to me believes this wholeheartedly. (Although, I'd have to say she's definitely more burnt cookie than lobster.)

And now that it's the day before we land back at our port in Florida, I think even those overly cautious are beginning to feel the sun beckoning them and have now decided to risk it all. We, the Erdmann clan, have also thrown caution to the wind by indulging ourselves in VIRGIN piña coladas. yeah.. someone save us, please.

ON LIFESTYLE:

Enough with the burning flesh, the entire idea of a cruise ship has had me chuckling every once in a while this entire trip. I just start to think about the 3,600 people aboard this ship (and that's just passengers!) and I think about how we're all floating here in the middle of no where, no land for miles. A floating metropolis! I mean, think about it from a sea creature's point of view. Your day consists of floating around and eating small fish and, all of a sudden, you hear this faint sound of marimbas playing off in the distance. As it gets closer you begin to make out the giant ship with the thousands of plump, red bodies strewn about, margaritas in hand. Just a bit unusual, right?

At the moment, I'm gazing at everyone lounging around in their beach chairs. The drink guys frantically waiting on them hand and foot. I think some passengers must stay in these chairs 24/7. I mean, I hardly blame them, trying to find 6 open chairs, let alone just one, is almost always a task. But the way that the chair has now begun to form around them is a bit disturbing. It's almost as if they're starting to actually become part of the ship. For example, take this man over here across from me. I think he hasn't even moved for several hours. Quite frankly, I'm a bit worried he might be dead. (And yet, he's still grasping that half-full margarita.. boggles my mind every time I see this.) Oh wait, he's flipping. False alarm.

So I can't help but be reminded of WALL-E right about now. Never leaving their space-age hovercrafts, these people don't even notice the wonder of creation or even those around them, for that matter. Sometimes it makes me nervous that I'll hear that "blue is the new red" aboard the mighty Mariner of the Seas. They do offer the drinks of the day, so I guess that's not too far off.

ON TOURIST SALES TRAPS:

Have you ever noticed passengers ears aboard cruise ships? Haha.. Ok, so that's a bit strange, but ever notice those funny round stickers placed behind their ears to ward off motion sickness? Yeah, it's all a scam. Now, I'm not one to rain on someone's parade when obviously someone out there is making big bucks. In fact, I wish I would have thought of it first! But come on, really? Do you actually believe those things keep you from seasickness?

I bet there was once a guy riding a ferry, who thought, "Hmm, I got a bunch of plain white round stickers and no money. What to do... what to do." While this man is trying to frenziedly figure out a way to use these stickers to somehow pay for his next meal, he begins to notice an extremely seasick man wobbling towards him. Nearly toppling onto the man with the stickers, he mutters cautiously and quietly so as to not let any unwanted lunch spill out of his mouth, "Man, I really wish I had one of those sea sick pills or bracelets." So, naturally, in fear for his life, and life being his only clean white jacket, he immediately grabs a small white sticker and begins to explain to the man that this small white sticker is a "SEASICK BE GONE PATCH" and nervously tries to place it on the man, only to have it end up behind his ear. The man thanks him and miraculously feels 100% better, or so he thinks. So that clever young man leaves the boat with a bag full of stickers and a plan to make millions. For, you see, it's those very stickers that everyone seems to be sporting on our ship. And I'm sure this sticker man is now perched at his desk atop the tallest building in a nearby city, stroking his cat and smiling sort of grinch-like at the thought of his brilliance. So, uhh, think twice the next time someone tries to sell you a migraine saving toothpick or a weight loss curing goggle set. You never know.